Another person might use rationalization (justifying something shameful)- saying after he’s rejected for a job that he never really wanted the job in the first place. A familiar example is denial - a smoker might cling to the belief that his shortness of breath is due to the hot weather and not his cigarettes. Wendell smiles as if to say, Displacement’s a bitch, isn’t it? We all use defense mechanisms to deal with anxiety, frustration, or unacceptable impulses, but what’s fascinating about them is that we aren’t aware of them in the moment. “And then all of a sudden I remember a frustrating phone conversation I’d had with my mother that morning and it clicks. How could I have responded that way? I’m the adult, after all. “So I say something petty like, ‘Oh, really? Well, maybe next time I shouldn’t take you and your friends out to dinner if I’m so mean.’ Like I’m five years old! And he says, ‘Fine!’ and slams his door- he’s never slammed his door before- and gets in the shower and I go to my computer planning to answer emails but instead I’m having a conversation in my head about whether I really am mean. And then he has this complete overreaction and whines, ‘You’re so mean! You’re the meanest!’- which isn’t like him at all- but also this anger just boils up inside me. “So,” I’m telling Wendell, “we get back from a late dinner with friends and I ask Zach (my son) to take his shower, but he wants to play, and I tell him we can’t because it’s a school night. The following is an excerpt from her book and a conversation with her therapist, Wendell: Mothers In her book, “ Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed,” Lori offers a deeply personal look behind the scenes of a therapist’s world in which her patients are looking for answers … and so is she.
After experiencing her own personal crisis, Lori Gottlieb–a New York Times best-selling author, psychotherapist, and national advice columnist –ended up on a therapist’s couch herself.
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